The Golden Lily Chapter 17

ADRIANS CAR DROVE LIKE A DREAM.When I got behind the wheel, I nearly forgot to snap for any pursuit. In fact, I nearly forgot that I was supposed to be taking us to Wolfes and demo Adrian how to use a bring to get offher shift. Instead, I was caught up in the way the engine hummed around us and in the scent of the leather.Leaving his neighborhood, I had to restrain myself from flooring it in the move streets of downtown Palm Springs. This was a car screaming to be let loose on the open road. I had admired Braydens Mustang, plainly I adore this unitaryness.I feel like Ive just crashed close toones date, Adrian remarked, once we were get on the risqueway. no.one had tailed us reveal of downtown, making me feel oft safer. Like Im intruding on you 2. If you involve to drop me off approximatelyw here(predicate), Ill generalize.Huh?Id been paying c arful oersight to the way the car built up to higher speeds, some(prenominal) through sound and feel. The Mustang was in st unning shape. People often move over the idea that classic cars argon expensive. They argon if theyre in good condition. Most arent. When somethings sit down around for years without care, it inevitably f totallys apart, which is wherefore so many older cars are fixer-uppers. Not Adrians. This had been maintained and restored throughout the years and had probably never left the state of California meaning it hadnt faced harsh winters. That all added up to a high price tag, making it that much than than more besotted that Adrian had bought something he couldnt drive.I groaned. Im sorry I dont endure what I was infering. Well, I material body of knew. Id been wondering what my odds of a ticket would be if I stony-broke the speed limit to see how fast we could go. I shouldve been walking you through this as soon as I developed the car. I promise I entrust when we leave Wolfes, all the steps. For now, I guess we can recap the basics. This is the clutchAdrian didnt seem a nnoyed by my neglect. If anything, he styleed diverted and simply listened to my explanations with a small, ataraxis smile on his face.Wolfe looked just as disreputable as he had fail time, complete with the eye patch and what I suspected were the same Bermuda shorts as before. I hoped hed done laundry since then. Despite his appearance, he was ready to go when our class assembled and seemed competent in his subject matter. Although he reminded us again closely the importance of avoiding conflicts and being aware of ones surroundings, he quickly moved past those points and focused on actually practicing more physical ways of protecting oneself.Considering how much Adrian had complained last time roughly the boring safety talk, I figured hed be excited that we were pretty much jumping right into some action. Instead, that amused look from the car vanished, and he grew increasingly tense as Wolfe explained what he needinessed us to do in our partnered practice sessions.When the time actually came to practice, Adrian looked blatantly unhappy.Whats the matter? I entreated. I suddenly remembered last time, when Adrian had freaked out over my attack. Maybe he hadnt really expected hed have to get here. Come on, these are simple. You wont get dirty.Even when teaching more combative actions, Wolfe was still an advocate of keeping things fast and simple. We werent generateing to learn to beat someone up. These maneuvers were effective promoter of distracting an assailant so that we could escape. Most were done with the dummies, since we could hardly try to scotch fingers in each former(a)s eyes. Adrian went through those motions diligently, if silently. It was working directly with me that he seemed to have a problem with.Wolfe noniced it too as he made his rounds. Come on, boy She cant try to escape if you dont try to hold her. Shes non going to smart you, and you wont hurt her. The maneuver in question was actually one that wouldve been helpful the nigh t Id been grabbed in the alley. So, I was eager to practice it and frustrated that Adrian kept precisely halfheartedly helping. He was supposed to put an arm around my torso and attempt to cover my mouth. Unfortunately, his efforts were so weak and his hold so loose that I didnt use up any special(a) techniques to escape. I could have simply walked right out of his arms.With Wolfe in that respect, Adrian made a slightly better showing as an assailant still immediately resorted to his former ways once we were alone. Lets switch, I state at last, nearly wanting to pull my hair out. You try to escape me. Make up for last time. I couldnt believe that Adrians sluggish attitude had turned out to be the problem here. Id expected the hang-up would be me not wanting to suggestion a vampire, but it didnt bother me at all. I wasnt ideateing of him as a vampire. He was Adrian, and my partner in this class. I required him to learn the move. It was all very pragmatic. If I didnt know bet ter, Id almost say that Adrian was afraid to touch me, which made no sense. Moroi didnt have those hang-ups.Was something wrong with me? Why wouldnt Adrian touch me?Whats going on? I demanded, once we were in the car and headed spur to the city. I get that youre not an athlete, but what happened in thither? Adrian refused to meet my eyes and instead stared pointedly out the window. I dont think this is really my thing. I was all about playing action hero before, but now I dont know. This is a meritless idea. Its more work than I thought. There was a flippant, dismissive intent in his voice that I hadnt heard in a while.What happened to you finishing things you started? I asked. You told me you had changed.That was for art, verbalize Adrian quickly. Im still in those classes, arent I? I didnt jump ship on those. I just dont want to do this one anymore. Dont worry. Now that Ive got more money, Ill pay you back the class fee. You wont be out anything.That doesnt matter, I argued. I ts still a waste Especially since what Wolfes showing us isnt really that difficult. Were not rive ourselves apart like Eddie and Angeline would.Why is this so hard for you to stick with and learn? My earlier self-doubt returned. Do you just not want to work with me? Is at that place is there something wrong with me?No Of course not. Absolutely not, state Adrian. In my periphery, I saw him finally look at me. Maybe there are only so many things I can learn at once. I mean, Im supposed to also be learning to drive a stick shift. Not that I see that happening. I wanted to slap myself on the forehead. In my frustration over class, Id completely forgotten again about showing Adrian how to drive. I felt like an idiot, even though I was still mad at him for giving up on Wolfe. I checked the time. I had things to do tonight at Amberwood but felt obligated to make up for my shoddy teaching.Well practice once were back in your neighborhood, I promised. Well start slow, and Ill show you eve rything you need to do. I faculty even let you try driving around the block tonight if you seem like youre paying attention to the lesson. The transformation in Adrian was remarkable. He went from sullen and uncomfortable to cheerful and energetic. I couldnt figure it out. Sure, I found cars and driving fascinating, but technically speaking, there was a lot more detail to learn about manual transmission than there was in Wolfes evasive techniques. Why were those difficult for him, but the clutch was clear?I stuck around for about an hour when we got back. To his credit, Adrian paid attention to every word I said, although his results were inconsistent whenever I quizzed him or actually let him try something. Sometimes hed respond like a pro. Other times, hed seem totally lost on things I could have sworn hed picked up. By the end of the hour, I felt safe enough with him driving the car at low speeds on empty streets. He was a long way from the highway or stop-and-go traffic of a b usy city.Looks like weve got more lessons in our future, I told him when we finished. Id parked the car behind his building, and we were walking back toward the main entrance and Latte.Do not take that car beyond a half-mile radius. I checked the odometer. Ill know.Noted, he said, still wearing that smirky smile. Whens the next lesson? You want to scrape back tomorrow night?Cant, I said. Im going out with Brayden. I was surprised at how much I was looking forward to it. Not only did I want to make things up to him after the dance, but I also just wanted a dose of normality well, at least the kind of normality Brayden and I had together.Plus, things with Adrian were feeling really weirdOh. Adrians smile fell. Well. I understand. I mean, love and romance and all that.Were going to the textile museum, I said. Its cool, though Im not incontestable how much love and romance therell really be there.Adrian nearly came to a halt. Theres a textile museum here? What do people do there?We ll, they look at um, textiles. Theres actually a great exhibit on I stopped as we reached the front of the building. There, behind Latte, was a familiar car, the lease that Sonya and Dimitri were using. I looked questioningly at Adrian.Were you expecting them tonight?No, he said, resuming his walk to the door. Theyve got a key, though, so I suppose they can make themselves at home anytime. They do it a lot, actually. He eats my food, and she uses my hair stuff.I followed him. Hopefully its just Dimitri.After our recent revelations about the hunters, Sonya was pretty much under house arrest.Or so I thought. When we walked into the apartment, she was sitting on the couch. No Dimitri in sight. She glanced up at us from her laptop.Thank goodness youre here, she said, directing her words to me. Jill said you two were out and I was hoping to catch you.Something told me no good would come out of her wanting to catch me, but I had greater concerns. What are you doing here? I asked, half- expecting hunters to come through the door. Youre supposed to be at Clarences until you leave town.Day after tomorrow, she confirmed. She stood eyes alight with whatever had drive her here. But I needed to talk to you now face-to-face.I wouldve come to you, I protested. Its not safe for you to be out.Im fine, she said. I made sure I wasnt followed. This was too important. She was breathless and excited. much important than being caught by wannabe vampire hunters? Debatable.Adrian crossed his arms and looked surprisingly disapproving. Well, its too juvenile now.Whats going on?We got the results back from Sydneys blood, explained Sonya.My heart stopped. No, I thought. No, no, no.Just like with Dimitris blood, zilch physiological showed up, she said. Nothing unusual with proteins, antibodies, or anything like that.Relief poured through me. Id been right. Nothing special about me, no inexplicable properties.And in so far at the same time, I felt a tiny pang of regret. I wasnt the o ne who would fix everything.We sent it to a Moroi research lab this time, not an Alchemist one, Sonya continued. One of the researchers an farming user felt a hum of earth magic. Just like how Adrian and I felt spirit in Dimitris blood. The technician had other types of magic users examine your sample, and all four basic elements were detected.That panic returned. She had me on an emotional roller coaster, one that left me nauseous.Magic in my blood? A moment later, I understood. Of course there is, I said slowly.I touched my cheek. The tattoo has vampire blood and magic in it. Thats what it is. There are different degrees of charms in it from different users. That would show up in my blood. I shivered. Even with a logical explanation, it was a scary thing accepting that there was magic in my blood. Ms. Terwilligers spells were still anathema to me, but at least there was some comfort in knowing they drew magic from foreign of me. But knowing I had something internal? That was terrifying. And yet, I couldnt be surprised at this go steadying, not with the tattoo.Sonya nodded along. Yes, of course. But there must be something about that cabal thats repulsive to Strigoi. It may be the key to all of our work To my surprise, Adrian took a few steps toward me, and there was a tension in his stance that was fiercely protective.So you know Alchemist blood has magic in it, he said. Thats no surprise. Case closed.What do you want from her now?Another sample to start, said Sonya eagerly. Theres no(prenominal) left in the original vial I took, once all the testing was done. I know this sounds strange, but itd also be useful if a Moroi could well, taste your blood and see if it has the same repulsive quality as it did to Strigoi.Fresh blood would be ideal, but even Im not deluded enough to ask you to submit to a feeding.We should simply be able to use your sample and No, I said. I stumbled backward, horrified. Absolutely not. Whether its from a neck or a vial, th eres no way Im giving my blood for anyone to taste. Do you know how wrong that is? I know you do it all the time with feeders, but Im not one of them. I should never have given you the depression sample. You dont need me for any of this. Spirits the key. Lees proof that former Strigoi are the ones you need to examine.Sonya wasnt cowed by my outburst. She pushed forward, though her tone was gentler. I understand your fear, but think of the applications If something in your blood makes you resistant to Strigoi, then you could save countless lives.Alchemists arent resistant, I said. That tattoo isnt protecting us, if thats what youre getting at. Do you think that in all our history, there havent been Alchemists who were turned Strigoi?Well, of course, she said. Her words were hesitant, encouraging me.So, the magic you sensed in me is irrelevant. Its just the tattoo. All Alchemists have it.Maybe ours tastes bad, but Alchemist blood has nothing to do with Strigoi turning. It still happe ns to us. I was rambling but didnt care.Sonya grew perplexed, her mind running through the implications of this news. But do all Alchemists have bad-tasting blood? If so, how would a Strigoi be able to drain them?Maybe it varies by person, I said. Or maybe some Strigoi are tougher than others. I dont know. Regardless, we arent the ones to focus on.Unless theres just something special about you, mused Sonya.No. I didnt want that. I didnt want to be scrutinized, locked behind glass like Keith. I couldnt be. I prayed she wouldnt see how scared I was.Theres plenty thats special about her, said Adrian dryly. But her bloods not up for dispute.Why are you pushing this again after last time?Sonya glared at Adrian. Im not doing this for selfish reasons, you know that I want to save our people. I want to save all our people. I dont want to see any new Strigoi added to the world. No one should live like that. A haunted look shone in her eyes, as a memory seized her. That kind of bloodlust and complete lack of empathy for any other livelihood creature no one can imagine what its like. Youre hollow. A walking nightmare, and yetyou just dont careFunny attitude, said Adrian, seeing as you purposely chose to become one. Sonya paled, and I felt torn. I appreciated Adrians exculpation but also pitied Sonya. Shed explained to me in the past about how spirits instability the same instability Adrian feared had driven her to turning Strigoi. Looking back at her decision, she regretted it more than anything else in her life. She wouldve submitted herself for punishment, but no court knew how to handle her berth.Doing that was a mistake, she said coldly. One Ive learned from which is why Im so anxious to save others from that fate.Well, then find a way to do it without dragging Sydney into it You know how she feels about us Adrian faltered as he glanced at me, and I was surprised to almost detect bitterness in his voice. You know how the Alchemists feel. Keep involving her, and youll get her in trouble with them. And if youre so convinced theyve got the answers, ask them for volunteers and do experiments that way.Id help with that, I offered. Getting authorized subjects for you. Id talk to my superiors.Theyd like to see an end to Strigoi as much as you.When Sonya didnt answer right away, Adrian guessed why. She knows theyd say no, Sage. Thats why shes appealing to you directly and why they didnt send your blood to an Alchemist lab.Why cant you both see how important this is? asked Sonya, a desperate longing to do good in her eyes. It made me feel guilty and conflicted.I do, said Adrian. You think I dont want to see every single one of those bastard Strigoi wiped from the face of the earth? I do But not at the cost of forcing people to do things they dont want to.Sonya gave him a long, level look. I think youre letting your personalised feelings interfere with this. Your emotions are going to ruin our research. He smiled. Well, then. Be glad youll be free of me in two days. Sonya glanced between the two of us, looked like she was about to protest, and then thought better of it. Without another word she left, her face defeated. Again, I felt torn. In theory, I knew she was right but my gut just couldnt agree. I didnt mean to upset her, I said at last.Adrians face showed no sympathy. She shouldnt have upset you. She knows how you feel.I still felt a little bad, yet I couldnt shake the feeling that if I gave this, Id be asked to give more and more. I recalled the day Eddie and Dimitri had been coated in spirit magic. No way could I risk getting involved to that level. I was already pushing my limits too far. I know but its hard, I said. I like Sonya. I gave her the first vial, so I can see why she thought the second would be easy.Doesnt matter, he said. No is no.I really will adduce it to the Alchemists, I said. Maybe theyll want to help. I didnt think Id get in too much trouble for the first vial. The Alchemists endorsed the initial experiments after all, and Id probably get points for standing up to vampire peer pressure for the other sample.He shrugged. If they do, great. If not, its not your responsibility.Well, thanks for gallantly coming to my defense again, I teased. Maybe youd be more into Wolfes training if you got to protect someone else instead of yourself? The earlier smile returned. I just dont like seeing people bullied, thats all.But you should come back to Wolfe with me, I urged. You need a chance to try to get at me.Like that, he was serious again. He looked away. I dont know, Sage. Well see. For now, well just focus on the driving when you can get away from your boyfriend, of course. I left shortly after that, still confused about his weird behavior. Was that some of spirits crazy set up on the mind? One minute, he was brave and defensive. The next, he was down and obstinate. Maybe there was a pattern or some type of debate behind it all, but it was beyond my analytical abilities.Back at Amb erwood, I immediately headed for the library to get a book for my English class. Ms. Terwilliger had lightened up on my usual work so that I could devote more time to crafting her spells. Since her independent study which was supposed to be my easy elective took up more time than my other classes, it was refreshing to focus on something else for a change. As I was leaving the British Lit section, I caught sight of Jill and Eddie studying together at a table. That wasnt weird, exactly. What was weird was that Micah wasnt with them.Hey, guys, I said, slipping into a seat. Hard at work?Do you know how weird it is to be repeating my of age(p) year? asked Eddie. I cant even blow it off either. I have to get decent grades to stay here. I grinned. Hey, all knowledge is worth having.He tapped the papers in front of him. Yeah? You got any knowledge on the first woman to win the Pulitzer Prize in fiction?Edith Wharton, I said automatically. He scrawled something onto his paper, and I turned to Jill. How are things with you? Wheres Micah?Jill had her chin propped in her hand and was gazing at me with the weirdest look. It was almost languid. It took her a few moments to snap out of her daze and respond. The dreamy look became embarrassed and then dismayed. She glanced down at her book.Sorry. I was just thinking how good you look in taupe. What did you ask?Micah? I prompted.Oh. Right. Hes got stuff to do.I was pretty sure that was the shortest explanation shed ever given me. I tried to remember what Id last heard on their status. You guys patched things up, right?Yeah. I guess. He understood about Thanksgiving. She brightened. Hey, Eddie and I were talking about that. Do you think we could all have a big family-style Thanksgiving at Clarences? Do you think hed mind? We could all help, and itd be lots of fun. I mean, aside from the cover, we really are like a family. Eddie says he can make the turkey.I think Clarence would love that, I said, happy to see her cheery agai n. Then, I replayed her words. I turned to Eddie incredulously. You know how to make a turkey? How would you have learned that? From what I knew, most dhampirs stayed nearly year-round at their schools from an early age. Not a lot of culinary time.Hey, he said, straight-faced. All knowledge is worth having. Jill laughed. He wouldnt check me either.You know, Angeline claims she can cook, said Eddie. We were talking about it at breakfast.She says she knows about cooking turkey too, so if we tag-team, we can pull it off. Of course, shell probably want to hunt and execute her own.Probably, I said. It was amazing that he was talking about working with her on anything.It was even amazing that he could speak about her fondly, without a grimace. I was rootage to think more and more that her display at the assembly had been a good thing. We didnt need animosity in this group. Well, I got what I came for, so Im caput back. Ill see you in the morning.See you, said Eddie.Jill said nothing, and when I glanced over, I saw that she was watching me again with that weird, enraptured look. She sighed happily. Adrian had a great time with you at your class tonight, you know.I nearly rolled my eyes. The bond leaves no secrets. He didnt always seem to be having a good time.No, he really did, she insure me. A dopey smile crossed her features. He loves that you love the car more than he does and thinks its awesome youre getting so good in your defense class. Not that thats a surprise. Youre always so good at everything, and you dont even realize it. You dont even realize half the things you do like how you watch out for others and never even think about yourself.Even Eddie looked a little astonished by that. He and I exchanged puzzled looks. Well, I said awkwardly, really unsure how to handle this Sydney lovefest. I decided escape was my best option. Thanks. Ill see you later and hey. Whered you get that?Huh? she asked, blinking out of her enraptured haze.Jill was wearing a s ilk scarf painted in rich jewel tones, almost reminding me of a peacocks tail. It also reminded me of something else, but I couldnt quite put my finger on it. The scarf. Ive seen it before.Oh. She ran her fingers over the smooth material. Lia gave it to me.What? When did you see her?She stopped by the dorm yesterday to give the dresses back again. I didnt tell you because I knew youd want to return them.I do, I said adamantly.Jill sighed. Come on, lets just keep them. Theyre so pretty. And you know shell just bring them back anyway.Well deal with that later. Tell me about the scarf.Its no big deal. She was stressful to pitch me on this scarf collection Yeah, yeah, she told me too. How she could make it so no one recognized you. I shook my head, feeling a surprising total of anger. Was nothing under my control anymore? I cant believe she went behind my back Please tell me you didnt sneak off with her to do a characterisation shoot.No, no, said Jill quickly. Of course not. But you dont think I mean, you dont think theres any way she could pull it off? Hide me?I tried to keep my tone gentle. After all, I was mad at Lia, not Jill. Maybe. Maybe not. You know we cant take the chance.Jill nodded, face sad. Yeah.I left feeling annoyed and was so distract that I nearly ran into Trey. When he didnt respond to my greeting, I realized he was even more distracted than I was. There was a haunted look in his eyes, and he seemed exhausted.You okay? I asked.He managed a weak smile. Yeah, yeah. Just feeling the pressure of everything. Nothing I cant handle. What about you? Dont they usually have to throw you out of this place? Or did you finally get tired of being here for eight hours?I just needed one book, I said. And I was actually only here ten minutes. I was out most of the night.The smile fell, replaced by a lour. Out with Brayden?Thats tomorrow. I had, um, family stuff tonight.The frown deepened. You go out a lot, Melbourne. You have a lot of friends outside school. Not that many, I said. Im not living a party lifestyle, if thats what youre getting at.Yeah, well. Be careful. Ive heard about some scary stuff going on out there. I remembered him being concerned for Jill too. I usually kept up on all the local news and had heard nothing alarming recently. What, is there a crime ring in Palm Springs I should know about?Just be careful, he said.We started to part ways, and then I called to him, Trey? I know its your own business, but whatevers going on if you want to talk, Im here. It was a huge concession for me, seeing as I wasnt always the most socially adept person.Trey gave me a wistful smile. Noted.I was kind of reeling as I went back to my dorm. Adrian, Jill, Trey. I suppose if you counted Eddie and Angeline getting along, everyone in my life was behaving weirdly. All part of the job, I thought.As soon as I was back in my room, I called Donna Stanton with the Alchemists. I never could be sure what time zone she was in, so I wasnt too concerne d about the late hour. She answered right away and didnt sound tired, which I took as a good sign. She hadnt responded to my e-mail about the Warriors, and I was anxious for news. They posed too big a threat to us to be ignored.Miss Sage, she said. I was planning on calling you soon. I trust everythings okay with the Dragomir girl?Jill? Yeah, shes fine. I wanted to check in on some other things. You got the info I sent you about the Warriors of Light?Stanton sighed. Thats what I was going to call you about. Have you had any more runins?No. And they dont seem to have been following us anymore either. Maybe they gave up.Unlikely. Her next words took a long time to get out. Not from what weve spy in the past.I froze, momentarily speechless. In the past? Do you mean youve run into them before?I was hoping they were just some I dont know. A crazy, locate group.Unfortunately, no. Weve encountered them before. Sporadically, mind you. But they pop up everywhere.I was still in disbelief. B ut I was always taught that any hunters had disappeared centuries ago. Why has no one ever talked about this?Honestly? asked Stanton. Most Alchemists dont know. We want to run an efficient organization, one that deals with the vampire problem in an organized, peaceful way. There are some people in our group who ability want to take more extreme action. Its best then if the existence of our radical offshoot is kept secret. I wouldnt have even told you, but with all the interlocutor youre having, you need to be prepared.Offshoot then they are related to Alchemists I was sickened.Not for a very long time. She sounded equally disgusted. Theres almost no resemblance anymore. Theyre reckless and savage. The only reason we let them be is because they usually just go after Strigoi. This situation with Sonya Karp is more difficult. She hasnt had any more threats?No. I just saw her tonight which brings up the other reason I called I gave Stanton a addition of the various blood experiments, including my own donation. I painted it in very scientific terms, how it had seemed useful as extra data. I then made sure to sound properly appalled by the second request which wasnt that difficult.Absolutely not, said Stanton. No hesitation. Often, Alchemist decisions went through chains of command, even with someone as high up as her. It was a sign of how much this went against Alchemist beliefs that she didnt even have to consult anyone. Human control-blood is one thing. The rest shes suggesting is out of the question. I will not allow humans to be used in these experiments, especially when the evidence clearly shows the former Strigoi need to be the focus not us. Besides, for all we know, this is some ploy on the Moroi part to get more of our blood for personal reasons. I didnt believe that last part at all and tried to find a tactful way of saying so. Sonya seems to sincerely believe this would help protect against Strigoi. She just doesnt seem to grasp how we feel about it. Of course she wouldnt, said Stanton dismissively. None of them do. She and I returned our focus to the vampire hunters. The Alchemists were doing some investigating on any sightings in the area. She didnt want me to do any active investigation myself, but I was to report in immediately if any other information came my way. She was assuming the Warriors of Light were operating nearby, and once she found out where, the Alchemists would deal with them. I wasnt entirely sure what that meant, but her tone made me shiver. As shed pointed out earlier, we werent a particularly aggressive group though we were excellent at getting rid of problems.Oh, I said, just as we were wrapping up. Did you ever find out anything about Marcus Finch? Id tried locating Clarences mysterious human, whod helped against the hunters, but had found nothing. Id hoped Stanton might have more connections.No. But well keep looking. A slight pause. Miss Sage I cant emphasize enough how pleased we are with the work you re doing. Youve run into a few more complications than any of us expected, yet you handle them all efficiently and properly. Even your conduct with the Moroi is outstanding. A weaker person might have yielded to Karps request. You refused and contacted me. Im so proud I took the chance on you.I felt a tightening in my chest. So proud. I couldnt remember the last time someone had said they were proud of me. Well, my mother did a lot, but no one tied to my work among the Alchemists did. For most of my life, Id hoped my father would say he was proud. Id finally given up on expecting that. Stanton was hardly a parental figure, but her words triggered happiness in me I hadnt known was waiting to come out.Thank you, maam, I said, when I could finally speak.Keep it up, she said. When I can, Ill get you out of that place and into a position that doesnt involve so much contact with them.And like that, my world came crashing down. I suddenly felt guilty. She really had given me a chance, and now I was deceiving her. I was hardly like Liam, ready to mete out my soul to the Strigoi, but I also wasnt staying objective with my charges. Driving lessons. Thanksgiving.What would Stanton say if she knew about that? I was a sham, reaping glory I didnt deserve.If I was truly a dedicated Alchemist, Id change my life here. Id stop all extraneous activities with Jill and the others. I wouldnt even attend Amberwood Id accept the offer of outside accommodations.Id only come here and see the gang when I absolutely was required to.If I could do those things, then Id truly be a good Alchemist.And, I realized, Id also be terribly, awfully lonely.Thank you, maam, I said.It was the only response I could give.